(A/N: This week's entry is a bit emotional and a bit life changing for me.)
According to Merriam-Webster dictionary, a friend is a person who you like and enjoy being with and a person who helps or supports someone or something. But that is basically what a friend means. I have my own definition of a friend and it is somewhat deeper than your ordinary meaning. For me, a friend is whom you can trust with almost everything. A friend is always there even when you don’t really need them. When you shut yourself from the world, he/she will be there to take you away and make you feel better.
I am here to tell you how I was about to lose my friends. It was an unpredictable happening that occurred in my life that actually changed who I am right now. I never realized what I have done, I was insensitive, and I never knew my actions had a huge impact on others feelings and I was dumbfounded on what to do. I was one of the reasons why my friends were not able to take their midterm grade in PE. I was helpless; I did not know what to do. I always tend to overthink about the negative situations that may happen. I was thinking that if I had ruined his future, it would have been my fault. It was my first time that something like this occurred in my life that's why I was clueless on how to solve it.
I’ve had a serious conversation with two of my friends (J & K) the day after all of that happened. We talked about various of things before I had to open that certain topic. I told them that it was hard putting up a brave front; that I do not want anyone to hate me and that I was suffering from anxiety. I even told them that I was thinking of wanting to die if my friend was not able to take his exam.
I told them while crying, “Sobra akong nag-ooverthink na what if yun nga, kasalanan ko nga. Di ako nakatulog kagabi. Naisip ko na magpapakamatay ako kasi nakasira ang ng future ng iba. Ano pang mukhang ihaharap ko diba?”
I was so restless. But then comes New Media, who had helped me countless of times, saves the day once again. I’ve already talked to that guy friend of mine and settled our thoughts through chat. But I was having a hard time on how to approach my real friends because they’re not talking to me. I was aware that they were not really angry at me (because 2 of them said so through chat and the other on text) and I was thinking that maybe they were just waiting for me to talk to them, to say sorry. So, I built up my courage and texted one of them. And I said I have been selfish, that maybe I was protecting myself from getting hurt if they would not notice me. And I told her that I wanted to talk to them, to clear things up and make up. Then suddenly after that, I received a text from one of them saying “NORIKSSZXSZXSZX” and just that one text had a huge impact on me. I immediately cried and my heart was thumping like crazy. After that all my anxiety went away, I was assured that she wasn’t mad at me. I was able to strengthen my bravery and my courage. I was able to speak out what I was keeping inside all along. Without new media, I guess it would have been impossible for me to do this. or could have taken a long time for me to approach them.
I've arranged my thoughts after that. I told my self to stop overthinking and look on the brighter side of things. I also told to myself that I should not think of such things like wanting to die. Then I was thinking of the things I wanted to accomplish in the future and it made me have the courage to stand and fulfill them one by one. Once, again new media came to rescue a damsel in distress.
Here's a song about true friendship, enjoy!
Shout out to my college squad!! Dana, Cathy, Aira, Millette and Luvi! ♥ I'm sorry and I love you guys. *insert kiss emoticon here*
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